I was the only female that worked there, and getting hit on generally happened in two categories. Eh, I would absolutely insist on meeting someone where there are people around, even if theyre neutral parties. I can find out though and that might make things a little less fraught, dynamics-wise, if he is. Some were way too persistent. She seemed interested, so I just asked "Are you new here? A new cashier joined my local food shop. WebAnswer (1 of 7): At the Drive thru window, this happened to me many a time & the one luxury I suppose was that they could just speed off in their car afterwards (or I could shut the window). Find out something I was able to give my friend additional details and she said that the employee sounds nervous and that I should just give him a note, and that in fact, a customer of her own has been leaving notes for awhile and they are now dating. If you're feeling insecure because of the people around think about how it can make her feel too, either she agrees or not it will also put some pressure on her so try to do it when there's no one around, and be prepared to leave either she agrees or not. Can you help me? If the girl laughs, half the work is done. But this guy isnt at all flirty; hes kind of intense even though being flirty at this job would be perfectly acceptable. It would be fun to run into you there. If you cant meet a stranger in a public coffee shop on your own, how on earth is internet dating supposed to work? New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. That, of course, is why lots of managers would rather customers notask out their employees its a good way to lose customers who then feel too awkward to return. I mean if I forgot something I wouldve just gone in and said, I forgot this and say my goodbyes again. A man then became irate, police said and waited for the cashier to walk away. My guess is that the OP is a man, simply because men (of all orientations) are more likely to hit on service employees than women are. I dont think its fair to ask people to voluntarily take on that risk at work when theres another approach that will neatly avoid that issue. And its fine to say Cool, could I bring my friend Xanthippe? and then do so, check the address and person out beforehand, and bail at any time. But then, Im from that younger generation of people who hang out instead of going on proper dates. 4 Remember customers' preferences. For instance whether she looks at you in the eyes while answering, if her answers are short, if she asks you something as well, etc. If you really, and I mean really think she's interested (and I mean really, like not in your dreams) slip her a phone number and that's it. You could also do a step in between. Im sick of this and I dont have to take it! One reason why you hear more and more complaints from women in retail is precisely because they are empowered, not because, as you seem to be implying, that we are all a bunch of fragile, frigid, special snowflakes who want to criminalize all interactions between men and women. (Sorry couldnt resist), Thanks for that inspiring story; your friend is a smooth operator! So everything is possible but it has a lot to do with the interpersonal chemistry. I am a fairly attractive, personable guy and have been asked out by several customers over the years, and its never been a problem. :). It sounds like hes just good at being a retail employee. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Thanks very much for your thoughtful comment. I would be so creeped out if someone I was unfamiliar with asked me to stop by their home, even if they phrased it as a party invite. There is some amazing advice here, from so many perspectives. In all seriousness, young and youngish women in customer-service jobs are frequently dealing with a more-0r-less daily barrage of men who interpret smiled at me and was polite as wants me, and it can be exhausting and, yes, scary, since a significant fraction of men dont take a polite no thanks well. More specifically, he did not go tracking down any of her information. Thats a great approach. There's no freedom of motion for her. Make me a good burrito, and you will always have a platonic place in my heart. THAT IS NOT ME FLIRTING OR LEADING YOU ON, THAT IS ME DOING MY JOB. Im sure the OP isnt looking to treat the worker like a piece of meat for their amusement. Asking while she is serving you as an employee violates empowered because she is effectively cornered: she can't step away, she has to serve you. Follow through with your invitation dont just make an empty promise and then duck away! Well, maybe I'll see you there! If nothing else, it might be a good way to screen for fellow AAM readers. Be casual, play it cool and do not put pressure on it, and Im saying this because I think youll go through with it. I see what youre getting at, but my experience in retail and food service was that everybody doing the latter still thinks theyre doing the former.. By entering this site you declare The employee feels panicked and caught between a rock and a hard place, like he may not be able to turn the customer down without pulling down the wrath of management, and what had been a friendly encounter now turns into a recurring nauseating anxiety. She said yes, and since it was 5PM we shared a glance of understanding for a few seconds. And youre right. Just as fraking capable of taking care of myself as any man ,thankyouverymuch. How to get to know a service staff without interrupting her work? I know I can just walk up to her and be like "you're cute, wanna go out?" Met a girl, we liked each other but now shes ignoring me and i want her back. And if she doesn't come, well, you were planning to go there anyways so it's not a real loss on your part - you just spent an afternoon/evening doing something you already enjoy. We were students and had a few regulars known to follow us around the stacks while were working (one would mutter under his breath the whole time, we thought it mightve been poetry ugh). Express low-key interest in seeing the person outside of work, give your card/number, and make it clear through your words and actions that you can happily take no for an answer. Lets have coffee when you get off work seems to be the go-to line. Or something like that, I don't remember, it doesn't matter anyway. I would assume that say, a Chipotle employee would probably feel way less pressure/expectation as part of the job to be friendly in the face of gross hitting on, because their wages arent as reliant on the customers decision to tip/not tip. The whole thing was awkward (dude who are you and why are you asking me out after literally 1 minute of interaction?) after coffee. Back to this cashier girl. If youre 99.9% certain about letting him know youre interested, then fpostes wording is the way to go. how do I avoid mom energy with my younger employees? The best you can do is wait until you at least know her for a whole lot of time longer and write your phone number down, and the next time you finished your business with her you give it to her with a verbal 'I'd like to get to know you, if you want to, send me a message. I have been investigating my ability to search for past posts. Right, this proscription would mean nobody in college would ever go to a party. When he's getting off work and what plans he has afterward. But those of us who are normal dont actually do anything. Giving away ones phone number is a safety risk for the girl with indeterminate reward - silly to ask. My rule is simple. This guys comfort level has been a huge concern of mine. Do it OP. but its great that you remained friendly. This is bad enough in public, but its a bit worse if youre being put in that situation at work. So if it were me, Id just say, Hey, would you want to grab coffee sometime? If they say no outright, or if they say things that imply that theyre not so interested (I dont know, my schedules kind of crazy etc. This is preferable because she is not under obligation to behave professionally for her work and you can spend some time chatting as equals. However, with a bit of forethought and confidence, you can make it happen in no Im not interested. I wouldnt necessarily invite someone Id met in this compartmentalized way to my home. The difference is that many* men will IGNORE those signals because what they want is more important to them than respecting the others wishes. I really dont understand the snark here, much less the do as I please nobody was threatening you with a restraining order. I've asked her out but she says shes not ready. Adult education class. And if he doesnt call you actually have to forget the incident ever happened, for real no joke you actually have to. A response that is far more common than a many guys seem to think. The cashier will not be creeped out by this approach and can indicate her receptiveness in how she responds to this no-pressure overture. What people are saying, is to be aware of the power differential, be aware that the person you are asking out may be in a situation where their behavior is constrained, be considerate of the other persons situation, dont take advantage. It made me question my behavior and be mad at myself for smiling a lot and just being casual and courteous. Having been on the receiving end, I can tell you I've always found it awkward and uncomfortable when someone has asked me out as opposed to leaving a note for me to choose to respond or not respond privately. You typically only hear those kind of stories with hookers and johns (because youre not going to the cops to report a pimp robbing you) but I assume it happens to regular people too. Even if she's busy on Thursday, or does not share your interest in this type of event it's a first step. You rarely get a sense of whether someones interesting when theyre being polite or friendly due to the nature of their job. phillist this is what immediately sprung to mind to me when I read this question. I think this is well said and I agree with you. I had my co-worker give him a note from me and he did call me up. In my case, it was simple. Asking her 10 times more won't bring a better result. OP here, thank you, and yes Im definitely not interested in objectifying this person or treating him like a piece of meat :). Then why the hell were you flirting with me non-stop for days? I think, for women especially, there is also the matter of fatigue. I also made sure none of his co-workers or any customers were nearby. They have been married for almost ten years and have three year old twins. business was business; and business with her was not interrupted for personal reasons. That is, Cheese Guy was not an 18 year old cashier, he was the cheese manager for the chain. It is not out of the realm of possibility that someone might make a complaint, factual or otherwise, about a retail worker who turned him/her down. There is nothing in OP's post to suggest for example that he lives in a large city where the cashier is expected to be little more than a machine element. These guys write Odes of Undying Love and Devotion to the people who make their coffee every morning, and generally feel like its reciprocated because they smile at me every time I come in. a silly or gross pickup line, or outright propositioning) and a simple asking out (e.g. Its realllllly hard to know someones sexual orientation when discussing a cinnamon bun or what have you. He didnt, but then I saw him one night at a club and I approached him and the rest is history! however, my friend (who works in retail) asked out a barista who she had a crush on. And then you never, ever speak of it again. I thought that died out years ago. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. I can see where youre coming from in general, and I apologize if Im misreading you on this, but I hated to see Aaron take the fall for all men because of word choice. That context is something that men need to be aware of when deciding its ok to flirt with a woman in a particular situation-which I think is what you were getting at. Scan this QR code to download the app now. We met a few more times for drinks and visiting expos but no further attraction developed, so nothing else happened. My suggestion is to not overthink this or make it overly complicated. Its all too a single woman should be accompanied at all times when out in public 191o for me. Additionally, try bringing up topics that have nothing do with romance; discussing something lighthearted may make things less intense and create a more relaxed atmosphere between both of you which could ultimately lead towards a positive outcome! I once had a crush on a guy who worked in retail. For a male, the odds are stacked against you. Anyway, it doesn't have to be a rock band, it could be a sporting match, play, whatever - just as long as it's a small enough venue (Taylor Swift concert is much too large) and the entry cost isn't too high. If they seem receptive, try suggesting an activity or outing that could potentially bring both of you closer together. ..what country do you live in? An awkward situation she is placed in repeatedly by men, through no doing of her own and with no way to prevent it, due to their sex drives. There's a lot of bickering over culture here: I'm from the Netherlands, female, currently 26 years old. I agree that the group thing could be a good, low-pressure way to go. WebCashier responsibilities include receiving payments and issuing receipts, gift-wrapping packages and keeping track of all cash and credit transactions. But I will also say I met one really great boyfriend while working. If a Id rather meet people doing things Im interested in or through other friends. But if he were really, really interested in the girl, might he not go to those places hoping to run into her? I would even say that depending on the size and style of the shop (i.e. Theres also the fact that we dont know the OPs gender, and we dont know if this is opposite sex flirtation. http://www.bodyforwife.com/she-doesnt-owe-you-shit/. A: After your date, maintain good posture by being respectful and honest with your words as well as your actions. Thanks for your perspective on this Bri because this is something that I was really wondering about. Seemed like a good method to me. WebBe well dressed. Finally, she asked him out. After we left the store, my dad muttered, well, he seemed to like you ok. (Sidenote: my dad and I never, ever talk about anything remotely related to me dating. Your interaction with the cashier is constrained by work rules (she has to be nice to you) and also social norms. How To Get The Man Catcher In Castle Crashers? The cashier probably wouldnt know how to find him if he just stopped showing up. Example: Did you hear, So-and-so is going to be performing at the (venue) on Thursday? Just let them do their jobs. I like the low pressure approach. I work in a library so I dont have any other environment to compare it to but there are students who do not understand boundaries and do not understand the difference between friendly customer service and flirting.